Enough
by Karateprincess67
Summary: "Dancing makes you brave." Post/ episode insert for "Past Imperfect"


Enough

Lindsay sighed heavily on her side of the desk, her elbow perched on the glass with her chin resting in her hand. Her fingers that were sitting on it drummed noisily and her foot tapped out a steady tempo with the whir of the computer. Across from her, Stella leaned around her monitor and eyed her intently.

"You all right, Kiddo?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine," Lindsay said shortly as her fingers and her foot went on tapping.

"Be careful- you might crack the desk," Stella replied in what she knew to be a lame attempt at humor.

Lindsay looked down at her hand and snatched it back toward her as if she were a child who'd just gotten caught trying to sneak candy after bedtime. "Oh! I didn't even realize. Sorry."

Stella waved it off. "Don't worry about it." She went back to the report on her computer only to hear Lindsay sigh again. It was clear that the trial was still affecting her and Stella couldn't blame her. Burying something that painful for that long only to have it rear its head again years later was bound to stick with you- even if you got a favorable outcome. Stella herself couldn't stop her mind from wandering to the Frankie ordeal. It was still painful but she had to admit, it was almost a welcome change from the HIV scare. Her stomach still hadn't completely untied itself from the anxious knots the last few weeks had put there, despite the results of the test Adam had done earlier. She shook her head as if to clear it of the bad memories in an attempt to focus on the report in front of her. She stared at it without much luck though; she wasn't sure where she'd left off and the notes on the looseleaf in front of her weren't helping.

Lindsay sighed heavily again and began tapping a pen against her cheek.

"Linds."

This time she didn't respond, keeping her eyes on the screen in front of her with a glazed look in her eyes that told her Lindsay had no idea what she was seeing. Stella rose out of her chair to sit on the edge of Lindsay's side of the desk so she was in reach to take the pen gently from her hand. "Linds."

Lindsay started. "What? Stel- I'm sorry, I-" she said jerkily.

Stella looked at her pointedly.

"Ok, I'm not fine. I'm still so, I don't know, _nervous _about the trial. I mean, I know I shouldn't be- it's over; he's going to prison for life; but I still… God, listen to me, I'm mumbling like an idiot-"

"Hey," Stella said gently, "you're not an idiot, Linds. And it's perfectly natural to still be anxious about it. This was a huge part of your life. It doesn't go away just because it should."

Lindsay looked up at her almost pleadingly. "You told me before that there are cases that haunt us and that we don't always get to know why something happened the way it did or why someone did what they did. But I can't make my peace with that, Stel. I'm not okay with that, especially not with this. It's a relief to know that he's finally going to pay for what he did, it's just…I want to know why. And I just have all of this energy. I can't sit still and I can't sleep. I can barely eat solid food." She dropped her head into her hands, still jiggling her foot.

Stella grimaced slightly. "That never really goes away. Unfortunately. You find ways to cope, but it never really stops."

"You've certainly figured it out," Lindsay mumbled bitterly into her palms. When she realized how it sounded though, she looked up with wide eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"No, no. You're right. I have figured it out, most days, anyway. It's not easy, but you have to find what works for you. Some people read or go skydiving or exercise like maniacs. They're all ways of figuring out how to deal with things you'll never get to understand. Some work better than others," Stella finished with a shrug.

"You still get…like this, though."

"Damn right. After Frankie and the whole HIV thing, things were a mess for awhile, but you get through it and you figure it out and you find a way to keep going."

"Oh, God, I completely forgot about the PCR test! I'm-"

"It's okay, Linds," Stella chuckled, patting her shoulder lightly. "I'm still processing it myself."

"So it's-"

"Negative," She grinned.

Lindsay let out a relieved sigh. "That's fantastic, Stella!"

"Yeah. I just can't seem to focus on my report."

That got a chuckle. "We're both messes."

A moment later, Stella made her way back to her computer. "You know what we need?"

"I'd say a nice ride through a wheat field on my favorite horse, but considering that's impossible at the moment, a stiff drink?"

Stella gave her a mischievous smile as she clicked her mouse. "A dance party."

Lindsay laughed as if it were the craziest idea she'd ever heard as a pop song started filtering through Stella's speakers. "What?"

"You wanted to know how I've figured it out, how I cope with things that make me crazy. This is it."

"But the night shift-"

"-either hasn't gotten here yet or is occupied."

"What about Mac?"

Instead of answering, Stella circled back around to her and held out both hands. "Come on."

Lindsay warily let her pull her to her feet and watched in amusement as Stella began to dance around their office. She hesitated for a moment, but found her foot tapping along with the song of its own accord. Against the part of her brain that told her this wouldn't work at all, she began mimicking Stella until she found her own rhythm. Lindsay let out a laugh that felt more cathartic than anything she'd tried to get rid of all this pent up, nervous energy so far.

"This is great, Stel!"

"See?" Stella called over the music as she reached over to spin her. "Dancing makes you brave!"

Down the hall in his office, Mac was finally making a dent in the reports that had be piling up on his desk all week. That is, until the sound of pop music that one might hear in a club broke his concentration. Not that he would know what sort of music people played in clubs. At first, he tried to ignore it- he was used to the occasional rock song from A/V when Adam had forgotten his headphones and felt the need for some motivation. But it dawned on him that Adam had gone home for the evening a few hours before and that no one on the swing or night shifts ever played music in general. Curious more than he was angry, Mac strode down the hallway in search of just what was going on.

He stopped outside of Stella's office when he saw it: Stella and Lindsay jumping and dancing around their desks with arms waving and hair flying. He watched as Stella took Lindsay's hand and spun her around. Lindsay's face was flushed with pure glee and he felt glad to see it. She'd been preoccupied and gloomy lately, not that he blamed her. Leave it to Stella to find exactly what she needed to try to move on.

Stella. He felt his heartbeat quicken slightly when he saw her radiant smile, the graceful movement of her body. _Good, _he thought, feeling pleased that she was finally getting a chance to unwind, even if it was in her office. Suddenly, he felt the impulse to open the door and join her, to hold her hand in his and sway around the room with his other hand on her back. He knew they would be perfect dance partners. Their heights were complimentary, he reasoned clinically- she'd hugged him enough that he knew that as a fact, never mind that they knew each other almost as well or better than they knew themselves. The impulse grew stronger when he realized how much he wanted to dance with her, to feel that carefree with her. He squashed the idea before he entered what he knew was dangerous territory and made his way back to his office.

Stella turned the music off a few songs later mostly so she could catch her breath. She plopped back into her chair and pushed her hair out of her eyes. Lindsay followed suit, looking ten times better than when they started.

She let out a satisfied chuckle. "That was a fantastic idea, Stel. Thanks."

"You're welcome," Stella panted. "And now you know something that will help the next time things start feeling like too much."

"Hey, do you mind if I head out in a few minutes? I want to try to make it home before it wears off."

Stella leaned back in her chair. "Not at all, Kiddo. You deserve it."

"You coming?" Lindsay asked as she gathered her things.

"Not yet. I'm going to try to finish this one before I go."

"All right. Thanks again! Night."

"Night. Call if you need anything."

Lindsay gave her a grateful smile as she pushed open the door. Stella sighed and closed her eyes, feeling her heart beat begin to slow. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been able to dance like that or when she'd felt this exhilarated and calm at the same time. It was finally starting to sink in that the HIV scare was just that- a scare, nothing more. Her life wasn't turned upside down; nothing had changed. She'd never felt so grateful. The release of energy from the short time spent dancing seemed to have calmed her enough that she felt herself relaxing into the chair.

Just then, she heard a tap on the glass and a quiet clink as her door opened. She opened her eyes to see Mac watching her with a look that seemed like a cross between amusement and concern. "Hi," she said, suddenly ecstatic to see him. She realized they'd been on such separate schedules recently that she hadn't even seen him at all that day to tell him the news.

"Taking a break?" The glint in his eyes told her that he wasn't just teasing her about nearly falling asleep at her desk.

"Is it considered a break if it's during overtime?"

He chuckled as he perched himself on the edge of her desk. "I don't think the two are mutually exclusive."

She shrugged. "So, how was your day? Any movement on the Dobson case?"

His eyes darkened. "Unfortunately, no. It's not looking good and we're running out of options."

She reached forward to squeeze his knee with the hope that the sense of calm she'd just found would somehow find its way to him. "We'll get him, Mac."

He let her words hang in the air for a moment before he changed the subject. "I noticed you and Lindsay turned this place into a nightclub for awhile earlier." Seeing her raised eyebrows, he elaborated. "I heard music and investigated. You looked like you were having fun."

"She needed to blow off some steam. I don't think she really got to do that until today. I'm just glad she didn't spontaneously combust." She paused. "Hell, _I _needed to blow off some steam."

His gaze softened. "Did it work?"

"Actually, yeah."

"You know, I don't think I've seen you like that in awhile. I take it you don't get to dance much anymore."

Stella laughed. "Not at all. There's never time. Plus, I'm getting old." She pretended to stretch her back with enormous effort to which Mac responded with a roll of his eyes. "It's true," she continued in mock indignation. "You don't really get a chance to relax much either do you?" She found herself wanting nothing more than to help him relax too. It wasn't an unusual feeling for her, considering she was normally the only person to get him to experience anything close to calmness, but still she wondered what he'd say if she asked him to dance like she wanted to.

"Not lately no," he answered. He was reminded of the impulse he'd had earlier, how much he'd wanted to dance with her and how fervently he'd stepped on the idea. _We have time now. _

_Ask him to dance, _a persistent voice in Stella's mind urged. _Go on, ask him! Ask him!_

Mac tilted his head as the look on his face shifted slightly, like he was deliberating something. Then he stood and held out his hand in a silent question for her to join him. Stella looked at him curiously and was about to open her mouth to ask what he was doing when it hit her. _Well, what are you waiting for? GO!_

A bright smile spread over her face as she put her hand in his to let him lead her away from her desk. "There's no music, Mac." She rested her free hand on his shoulder anyway.

His answer was a warm hand on the small of her back and the firm curve of his fingers holding hers. As he felt her step closer and rest her chin on the hand that was curved around his shoulder, he realized that he should probably feel guilty for doing this when he was with Peyton. But he hadn't seen Stella all week and they were both dealing with so much that he knew Peyton would never understand. In that moment, he wasn't entirely sure that Peyton existed. Stella did. Holding Stella and revolving around her office was exactly what he always forgot he needed.

The dancing that she'd just done with Lindsay was cathartic, no question. It was energetic and playful and fun and helped her let go of the energy that prevented her from getting to sleep at a decent hour. But it was nothing compared to this. Dancing with Lindsay was a release of energy. This was…restoring some of the hope that the job always tended to take away. This was a reminder of all the good things in her life. This was pure, peaceful joy.

Her fingers began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck and she spoke lowly into his ear. "Adam and I did the PCR test today." His grip on her hand tightened reflexively as he waited for her to continue. "It was negative. I'm negative."

The breath rushed out of his body with such a force that he was surprised he didn't keel over. Instead, he rested his forehead on her shoulder and pressed her closer to him with the hand that rested on her back. "Thank God, Stella."

A lump formed in her throat and tears threatened as she felt more so than heard his reaction and all she could do was give a simple nod into his shoulder. "I've been waiting all day to tell you."

"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely.

"For what?"

"For telling me, for being able to stay."

Stella felt her heart lurch and squeezed the fingers that held hers tighter. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Mac."

He let out a single bark of a chuckle that she realized was filled with emotion and she felt her heart constrict again as they continued swaying gently. In a little while, she'd suggest that they abandon overtime for the night and get a drink before going home, she told herself. But for now, this was enough.

* * *

_**A/N: Just a little something for "Past Imperfect" in season 3 to fill in some more blanks...*ahem* that was to you, the writers who skipped over the reveal to Mac. Honestly, how anyone could think that the Clay Dobson thing trumped Stella, I'll never know. =P**_


End file.
